


Everything Has Changed

by dragonwings948



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s07e14 The Name of the Doctor, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Male-Female Friendship, Post-Episode: s07e14 The Name of the Doctor, Secrets, Time War, Time War Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13084572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonwings948/pseuds/dragonwings948
Summary: Following the events of The Name of the Doctor, Clara wants some answers from the Doctor concerning his all important "secret."





	Everything Has Changed

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this sitting in my files for a while, but it finally got to a place where I was happy with it so here it is! This was a little more difficult for me to write than usual, because although I love Eleven and his relationship with Clara, I'm not as good at writing him as I am with Ten and Twelve.
> 
> Enjoy! :)

            _“He is my secret.”_

_“…my secret…”_

Clara awoke with a gasp, startled to consciousness by her own dreams. Or were they memories?

            “Clara.” The voice was saturated with relief. _His_ voice. _Her_ Doctor.

            Clara’s head started pounding. She squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her temples, trying to make sense of it all.

            _Trenzalore…the Doctor’s wife…Jenny, Vastra, Strax…the Doctors. All of them. All of_ him. _Pain. Dying._

Dying.

            “Am I dead?” she croaked. As she spoke, it felt like her vocal cords were rubbing against sandpaper. She moved a hand to her throat and gently massaged her skin.

            “No.”

            Clara felt the mattress shift under added weight. _Mattress._ Her brain caught up with what her senses had already realised: she was in her bed on the TARDIS. She opened her eyes and saw the Doctor’s soft gaze staring down at her from where he was perched on the edge of the bed. She sat up against the headboard, her head still spinning a little.

            _“You,_ Clara Oswald, my impossible girl, are _alive.”_ He smiled as he said the last word, his eyes full of warmth and his characteristic playfulness. Clara tried to latch onto that look she knew so well, but her mind was still swimming. Even the Doctor couldn’t anchor her thoughts.

            “But how? How did I…” Distorted images, all blurred together, assaulted her mind. “I remember there was a blue light, and then I was falling…”

            _Falling. It seemed like she had been doing it forever. Every second tore another piece from her, another part of her that would save the Doctor. She had never imagined that pain like this was possible._

She inhaled a shuddering breath and blinked hard, coming back to reality.

            “Clara.” The Doctor jumped up and shifted her hair to the side so he could place his hand on her forehead. He frowned and reached inside his coat, pulling out his sonic screwdriver. The instrument buzzed as he swept it over her, and when he brought the screwdriver close to his face to examine the readings, a worried crease appeared between his eyebrows.

            Somehow, that didn’t concern Clara. She was already alive when she had been certain she was going to die; now it just felt like she was on borrowed time.

            “You’ve got a bit of a temperature,” he announced as he placed the screwdriver back inside his coat. “Your mind is trying to cope.”

            “It hurts to remember.” All of his faces flashed across her mind’s eye, then all of her own lives _,_ all of them for one purpose: to save the Doctor.

            “Then _don’t.”_ He crouched down by her side and trained a sad gaze onto her. “You’re trying to remember a thousand lives, a thousand places, a thousand deaths. You can’t do it, Clara. You have to let go.”

            She managed a chuckle at his description. “You do that all the time.”

            He smiled a little. “You don’t have a time lord mind. But it doesn’t mean you aren’t _extraordinary.”_ His smile grew, and in his eyes she could see how grateful he was, how sincerely he cared about her. “My Clara,” he said softly, placing a hand on her cheek. “You saved me.”

            _“Let me save you!” His arms outstretched, his expression imploring, his voice imperative. It felt like she had been falling for years and years with nothing to hold on to, but now, finally, she could touch him, hug him. He was here. He was real. She wasn’t an echo, and she was with her Doctor._

_“He is my secret…”_

“What was your secret?” She hadn’t meant to say it, but the words slipped out nonetheless. The Doctor talking about his ‘secret’ was the last thing she remembered.

            His expression fell and his hand dropped to his side. Turning away from her, he rose to his full height and dragged a hand over his face.

            Clara almost told him to forget she had even said it, but the Doctor spoke first, his voice low and rough.

            “I told you about the Time War,” he began, slowly turning back around.

            “The war between the time lords and the Daleks.” Of course she remembered. The Doctor had told her about his days as a soldier, though she still couldn’t really imagine it.

            The Doctor nodded, glancing at her for a moment before looking away. His fingers twitched nervously at his sides. “I told you about how my people were killed, Gallifrey…gone.” The last word shook as he spoke it.

            Clara’s gut clenched in anticipation. She couldn’t help but feel like he was about to say something that would change everything. Something that would explain the torture in his eyes, explain why he always looked like he was carrying the weight of the universe on his shoulders.

            He met her gaze, a steely determination deep within his expression. Yet, his eyes were soft, sad, and so heavy. “I did it, Clara.” The sentence looked like it pained him, but he didn’t look away. “I destroyed Gallifrey.”

            An eerie stillness covered the room. Even their breathing seemed to make no sound. The Doctor looked away, the muscles in his jaw tense.

            Clara stared at him, trying to create a mental picture of the Doctor, the man she had seen save entire galaxies, destroying his own planet, killing his own people. But it was impossible. It was something she couldn’t even imagine.

            “Is that your secret?” Clara whispered, finding the volume appropriate for the gravity of the moment.

            “No.” He looked back at her. “Well, part of it. Just maybe…you’ll find out some day.”

            Clara tried to discern his far-off look, like he wasn’t even in the room anymore, but somewhere miles away. “What do you mean?”

            The Doctor shook his head. “I don’t know, I’m not making sense. I never make sense, it’s much more fun that way.”

            She lightened her tone as the Doctor became himself again. “It doesn’t change anything.”

            “What?”

            “What you told me.” She pushed off her blanket and planted her feet on the floor next to her bed. “You’re still the Doctor.”

            “Yes.” His small smile was like a gentle hug in one look. “You keep reminding me.”

            _Reminding…_

            Clara shook her head. Remembering. What couldn’t she remember?

            “Doctor.” She reached out and squeezed his arm. “I’m forgetting.”

            He nodded once. “Good.”

            She narrowed her eyes at him. “Did you say all of that just to distract me so that I would forget?”

            “No. Well, yes,” he amended quickly after she focused a stern look on him. “It’s for your own good. You can’t possibly remember my timestream, it’s too much for one human’s brain. Now you’re safe.” He patted her head with his free hand and Clara frowned at him.

            “You know what I didn’t forget? Your _wife.”_ Expecting a guilty look, she was surprised when he just looked sad. Clara shifted her voice from teasing to comforting. “What happened to her?”

            He stared at the ground, lips set into a frown. “It was time to say goodbye.”

            Clara stepped forward and hugged him, looping her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured.

            He sighed and hugged her back, holding her tightly and turning his face into her hair. The simple movements made Clara’s eyes sting with tears. In this moment, she knew that he needed her as much as she needed him.

            “Was she really your wife?” Clara asked, unable to keep her curiosity bottled up any longer.

            She hadn’t meant for it to sound teasing but the Doctor must have taken it that way because he pulled away from her, eyes wide with indignation, and nodded. _“Yes.”_

Clara had to chuckle, the thought of tears long gone. “I just can’t imagine _you_ —” She gestured with her hand to his body. “—married.”

            He looked properly offended. “Oi! I was a good husband. Most of the time. When the TARDIS wasn’t acting up. Or when I wasn’t cross with her.”

            Clara laughed again. She couldn’t even imagine what her life would be like without the Doctor, let alone what the _universe_ would be like. The memories of saving him were mostly gone now, just blurs of faces and colors, but the last thing she remembered was thinking that she had been born for that purpose: to save him.

            But really, she had been wrong. She had been born to travel with him, to be by his side.

            She hugged him again, feeling him stagger as she caught him off guard. “Saving you was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

            “Clara.” The Doctor pushed her away and held her by her shoulders, staying close. “I thought I was going to lose you. _Again.”_ He shifted his hand to the side of her head and rubbed his thumb over her cheek.

            “How many times did you see me die?”

            “Twice.” He frowned, his expression sagging. “Both of them just as terrible. But _you…_ both of you were so brave. You saved me.” He bent down, level with her, looking right into her eyes. “You saved me in more ways than you will ever know.”

            Clara felt a soothing warmth spread throughout her body at his words that were so sincere. The mystery was gone, and now she could finally see him for who he was.

            “I’m glad I know now. I always knew you were keeping something from me.” She smiled and shrugged, sensing that their relationship was changed forever. “I’m not so impossible anymore.”

            “Clara Oswald.” He bent forward and placed a firm kiss on her forehead, gripping her shoulders tightly. “You will always be my impossible girl.”


End file.
